Harry Potter and Ron's Diary
by Par C
Summary: Ron keeps a diary describing his days at Hogwarts. Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
1. Chapter 1

September 1

Dear diary,  
First day at Hogwarts today! I can't wait to meet new friends! But unfortunately my family is late at the station again.

Ron: Moooom, can we hurry up?! I dont want to miss my first day at schooool!  
Mrs Weasley: You are such a brat Ronald, I bet you won't make any friends at school and will end up being beaten by bullies every breakfast, lunch and dinner time.

Just as we arrived at platform 9 3/4, a weird boy approached us. I was afraid he was a murdering homeless and wanted to demand that we give him our money. Since my family doesn't have any money, I was really worried that he will take my virginity instead.

Harry: Excuse me, could you tell me where Platform 9 3/4 is?  
Mrs. Weasley: Sure my dear boy! You are so pretty! Much prettier than any of my boys when they were your age.  
Ginny: What about me mommy?  
Mrs. Weasley: You are the disgrace of the Weasley family! Of all of my sons only you are gay! I wonder what we did wrong?  
Ginny: I am not a boy mommy!  
Mrs. Weasley: See what I mean? Still determined that you are a girl! After your brothers leave for Hogwarts, we will have to take you to St. Mungo's to have you checked my dear.

I am on Hogwarts Express right now. The weird boy insisted that he sits with me. I am terrified. He says his name is Harry Potter. As if! What made me sure that he is a homeless murderer is that he has a pouch full of galleons. All of them stolen from his victims I bet you! I have a plan to discover further about his real identity.

Ron: If you really are Harry Potter, then you must remember You-Know-Who.  
Harry: I was a baby. I only remember a green light.  
Ron: Hmmm yeah sure.."Harry". Hermione: Excuse me you two, did you maybe happened to see a frog? Neville is looking for him.  
Harry: A frog? What does it look like?  
Hermione: Well, it is dark green…  
Harry: With two long back legs and shorter front legs? It jumps around too?  
Hermione: Yes, also has two big black eyes…  
Harry: And a triangular pattern on his back?  
Hermione: Yes!  
Harry: Oh, we haven't seen him then.  
Hermione: But…  
Ron: Hey listen up now! You really don't want to anger this guy here! He is a murderer.  
Hermione-Harry: A what?..  
Ron: Yep. You are lucky he hasn't seen your frog, or it will be dead by now.

Luckily, the bushy haired girl left before "Harry Potter" started losing his mind and dived into a murderous rampage. I am glad I saved the girl from him but I think he is mad at me. I hope we aren't sorted in the same house. He really freaks me out.

So happy to be a Gryffindor! I didn't expect any less. I was always brave and courageous. Proof of it is that on my first day at Hogwarts and already prevented the bushy haired girl's murder. This "Harry" guy was unfortunately sorted in the same house. It will take most of my school days it seems to prevent him from killing our house mates. At least the food here looks delicious.

Harry: Who is that professor?  
Percy: You mean professor Snape? He teaches Potions.  
Fred(or George?): He is a nightmare. Always puts us on detention.  
Harry: What happens if you get a detention?  
George(or Fred?): They whip you! Ron: Are you planning getting a detention? To cover up your crimes and create an alibi?  
Harry: What? No. Ron: Sure thing mate. Harry: What is wrong with you?

After "Harry" stormed off to sit further away from me, I started to think. Why did he want to find out about this professor Snape? Something suspicious is happening, I tell ya!  
Until next time, farewell Diary! 


	2. Chapter 2

September 7

Dear Diary,  
Classes have proved to be very difficult. Not only that, but professors kept pairing me with Harry. Apparently Harry wants to keep a close eye on me, because he knows I suspect him. He really CAN'T be the real Harry Potter. He is as bad at magic as I am. The bushy haired girl, I learnt her name is Her-my-something, keeps trying to correct me in every class.

Hermione: You do that wrong! Let me show you how it is properly done.  
Ron: Please stop propositioning to me. We are too young to engage in such activities. Besides you are really not my type.  
Hermione: What you mean?  
Ron: Why aren't you trying to correct Harry ever? Are you afraid he might snap and murder you?

For some reason I am very pissed that Hermione blushes every time I mention Harry. Is she really so terrified of him as I am?

Apparently Harry wants me to meet a man called Hagrid. He is a half giant. As expected Harry keeps all sorts of dangerous and suspicious company. Hagrid is the gamekeeper at Hogwarts. Also he has a bunch of keys on him. After meeting him I had to change locks in our dorm, I don't want him to lurk around while I sleep.

September 12

Dear Diary,  
Harry is obsessed with professor Snape. I sent a warning letter to Snape, anonymously to warn him about Harry.

Harry: Snape hates me.  
Ron: Are you sure he hates you and it is not the other way around?  
Harry: He confronts me on every potions class. I have done nothing to deserve such treatment!  
Ron: Maybe one of your victims was his loved one.  
Harry: Ron, I am NOT a murderer. This joke is getting old.  
Ron: Of course not, "Harry".

I found out that Harry was raised by muggles. Another proof that his personality is highly unhinged. The lone hero syndrome must be taking its toll on him. He is lucky I am around to surpress his constant appetite for destruction, risking my own life in the process.

Harry: Hey, what are you writing there?  
Ron: None of your business!

September 20

Dear Diary,  
We had our first flying lesson today. No sooner than Mrs Hooch averted her gaze, Harry picked a fight with Malfoy. For once I am not going to prevent Harry from murdering the silly blond brat.

Harry: Malfoy! Give back Neville's Remembrall.  
Malfoy: Tee-hee, no Potter! Come and get it, tee-hee!

Harry and Malfoy brat had an epic fight on broomsticks. Harry flies remarkably well. I am starting to believe that he is hiding his abilities in order to manipulate me into believing he is not a threat. But I will keep my eyes on him.

It turns out Harry is the new seeker for Gryffindor's Quidditch team. I will admit I am jealous. Hermione is furious. Apparently she is not only a nerd but a sucker for rules as well.

Hermione: You could have killed yourself Harry!  
Ron: Or killed someone else and make it look like accident. Good thinking, mate.  
Harry: Well, I did not. You both need to shut up.  
George(or Fred?): Congrats, Harry! Welcome to the team!  
Fred(or George?): We will celebrate your new position on the Gryffindor tower tonight! We hired stripers!

I must admit me and Harry enjoyed the strip show, but Hermione did not. She really needs to chill her tits once in a while. 


	3. Chapter 3

September 25th

Dear Diary,  
The Malfoy brat approached me and Harry after dinner at the Great Hall. Why is his hair so shiny and slick? I would never be able to afford all the expensive hair product he uses.

Malfoy: Tee-hee, Potter! Are you in for a Wizard's Duel, tee-hee? Harry: I would beat your face in a pulp Malfoy!  
Malfoy: Tee-hee, meet me at midnight in the trophies' room!  
Ron: Do you even know how to duel Harry?  
Harry: No. Ron: I imagine you don't have to learn. You will just use the Avada Kedavra like you did on You-Know-Who.  
Harry: I never used the killing curse!  
Ron: Look, mate. I understand. You were young, a baby. You couldn't control it.  
Harry: Just shut up Ron.  
Hermione: Did I hear right? Are you two going to sneak out to duel with Malfoy?  
Harry: Are you eavesdropping? Hermione: Of course not! I….just happened to be close by.  
Ron: Yeah, right.  
Hermione: You can't go! If you get caught…  
Ron: Oh don't worry about us! Harry can defeat any wizard. He is ruthless.  
Hermione: …you will cause Gryffindor to lose points!  
Harry: You will earn them back. What other use do we have for nerds like you?

Hermione left in tears. Harry can be heartless to anyone who stands in his way. Unfortunately, right on midnight, Hermione materialised out of the shadows, like a ghoul. She wants to come with us. Ugh, girls are so annoying. Plus it turns out Malfoy changed his mind and never showed up.

Harry: Can you tell me what you are writing in that notebook all the time?  
Ron: It is personal!  
Hermione: Someone's coming!  
Harry: It is Filch! Hurry! Follow me!

When Harry ran madly away, I obviously did not follow him. I never negotiate or take orders from psychopath murderers. So I was caught by Filch and was whipped until the morning. I kind of enjoyed it. There is a saying about redheads and whips surely.

September 26th.

Dear Diary,  
Harry keeps trying to persuade me about a mad story with a three headed dog and a hatch. His hallucinations are becoming increasingly illogical. Hermione isn't talking to us after last night. Thank God.

Professor McGonagall is very fond of Hermione. She invites her for tea every day. Harry never noticed but I did. I decided to follow Hermione and find out what has been going on.

Ron: Harry! You aren't going to believe this!  
Harry: Just like you don't believe there is a three headed dog guarding a hatch on the three floor corridor?  
Ron: But what I'll tell you is true and doesn't stem from a psychotic brain such as yours.  
Harry: It is true! There is the dog and the hatch!  
Ron: But listen to me! Professor McGonagall and Hermione…are beliebers!  
Harry: What is that?  
Ron: They wear fan shirts of a brat called Biever or something. And they take turns kissing a poster and giggling to each other! Every day!  
Harry: This is the craziest thing you have yet to say.  
Ron: Believe it or not!

Harry is too consumed in his mad tale about the dog and the hatch to actually pay attention to my revelations about Hermione and McGonagall. His loss! 


End file.
